Feb.

wake up from my dreaming and think hard on its meaning
everyday its seaming like something im believing
while i know its just the bad in me bringing out the mad in me
its so sad to see me act so fuckin fragilely
maybe the vauge images and short stories are whats real
the life i live is fake, down to everything i feel
but how can you live two lives and not even know?
how can you survive everyday and still have no where to go?
is my mind showing what my heart is shouting
do i take action or sit still doubting
tick tick theres the clock tick tick and there it goes
hand on my forehead as i stare upward at my toes
reachin for answers as i reach for the sheets
slip myself back into the warmth i always meet
tomorrow i'll wake up just the same as today
mind at highspeed, eyes lookin every which way
fuck it, im over it, to hell with trying to understand
time for the show, and im the biggest fan



poem for Feb. again, not everything i feel, just where i am right now.
and like the poem said, im off to bed, so peace out lurks.

Dela Rama

I know i didn't mention this in my last blog, but thats because it deserves a section all by it self, my nigga this shit is crucial. haha newayssss, i am officially off the market. hahaha ewww! i feel like such a gay for this shit right now! but yea, mr. justin dela rama is my babylove as of 02.14.2009....yes, valentines day, gay, i know. haha and to make it even cheesier his little brother asked out his girlfriend the same day! damn those boys! but yea, vday was pretty cute, just chilled all day with him and at night the delaphat fam went to go eat. (delaphat fam = jnel&peter, ramey&justin, alyssa&randy, allie&jeremy...fuckin losers hah) thennnn when we got back to his house there was kitkats(my fav.) and candles that spelled out "i love you" and roses and a poster that said happy valentines babe AND (brace yourself for the chessyness) the laptop was one playing "our" song. hahaahahahha! im not even going to say what song it is, just know that it was playing hahahah. and yea, then a nigga made it official. ^_^ he's too cute for that one and i am suchhhhh a suckka. ok im done being gay now but here!:


steps&mohawks....n thasss how we do

What The Fuck Is New?!

more like "what the fuck isnt new?!" ive been laggin so hard core on this blogging bullshit haha
many many thanngs have been going on, myyy lantaaaa! so i'll just shortly cover all of it...

School: like really csn? i fucking hate you.... you take all my money for books and class, give me suck ass teachers, and hella assignments. i really hate you.... the other day in class i actually shaved my steps back in tho haha at least i find something to do. Oh and i def play Pusoy Dos with Danta in psych.

HiFi: like really hifi? i fucking love you.... hahaha no but really. i really do. we just had auditions so we picked up a few new mamas and im really happy with who we got. i see potential in all of them, and i hope that they can learn to love hifi as much as the rest of us do. we had one rehearsal since we got them and it was pretty sweet dude..... daff gave us an assignment the week before to write why we dance and then we had to share at rehearsal. so instead of writing mine like a normal person i made a fuckin poem hahha i felt like a gay, but i hope the girls liked it. i think they did...maybe.....just a little ;D haha and yea, now i had to send that to the hifi myspace so daff can put me on blast -___- hahah jk, im honored =]]] ohhh and we also had a little performance last night at my nigga Allie's debut. it was funn like always, gotta love showtime=]

Work: i really dont have anything legit for this section...yet! haha im currently trying to find a jobbbb. the last thing i went to was an open call for american apperal. ok so that was thursday night and ive been just waiting and waiting for them to call me back, so then yesterday they called and asked if i could go to premium outlets right away for an hour to talk to some ppl or some shit. and i fucking had to tell them i couldnt make it ='[[[[[[ i was right in the middle of getting ready for the debut and i had to miss it. but i told the lady my situation and said i could do it today and she sounded like it would be ok. HOPEFULLY she gets back at me. freallllll im so down to work over there, cross ur fingers =/

Home: as of lately, i dont really have one of those hahaha i left my moms house and am now just wandering around vegas. naw im kidding, i have a place to sleep, no worries! so now im just out here making my way and trying to make a living. no matter what my situation is i just know that im going to be fine. as long as you think positive and stay determined you'll be successful. thats what i believe anyway. its going to be hard and i know it might get stressful at times, but thats fine with me bkus i have faith in myself and know that everything works out in the end. im happy where i am now and believe that theres no where for me to go but up =]

so thats whats going on with me, i was in need of an update hella bad!
kayyy well im off to do laundry now, then chillin till hifi tonight!! yay!! =]

Big Ups...

to all mahhh haytahhzz! ewww haha well yea, shout outs to you ;D and this shall be my official poem for January, like i said i was going to do. its a little late, but hey, inspiration takes time bitch!

kick down a lyric
leave you fearful if you spill it
such a precious thing to waste
knocking your wind out with distaste.
look my direction slantways in hopes that i wont see it
but in all reality, im just gonna call it how i see fit
we all gotta jump and take flight from the nest sometime
& if it should be Gods will then time is all mine.
there is no room for what the outside looking in has to say about the cracks on the ground
bkus by the time they look up im nowhere to be found.
its all a struggle bustin out the bubble
cause a little trouble & of course, bring back double
we cant make moves dependent on the opposing position
bkus there will be no moves, just stuck in the state of listen.
its greater to speak & be heard than hushed & unsure.
take a chance catch the flight,
live life to its fullest & start tonight.

this isnt everything i felt about january, just where im at right now. many things have happened this month. amazing things. i appreciate it & wouldnt have it any other way. im learning a lot this year already and can feel myself growing as a person. just embrace who you are, what you have, and who you could be. its a beautiful thing....

Help.

if you read this, i would encourage you to pray for me. hahaha i feel so gay for saying that but honestly, i wouldnt say it if i didnt need it. shit is redics.... im sure ill write about the madness some other time, but for now all i ask for is a little bit of blessings on my end....even if i dont deserve it.
"...God grant me the courage to change the things is can..."
<3

Hiney Duck Hiss

have you ever played that one game where you read something and logically it doesnt make any sense but its sounds like a common phrase or whatever when you listen to it? haha sorry if that made no sense, but yea just referring to the title, sound it out ;]

anywhooz, this weekend i cleaned out the garage with my mom (and by that i mean we compact the piles of useless shit against the wall) so we could fit both our cars in, and in the process came across a goldmine. in all seriousness, i was so stoked and still have not calmed down about it. how about i dont tell you just yet...i'll just show you...











yes that is me with the duckhunt gun in the first pic up there! =D AHHHA! folllowed by the best system to ever hit my life with all the old games! thennn my first toy car that i got for xmas when i was about 4 or 5...no i didnt get the barbie dreamhouse, nailpolish, or an easybake oven...i got a toy car, and i loved it =]. followed by an old school sewing machine that works better than most of the new ones ive used. i live for making my own shit which includes but is not limited to shirts, pants (just alterations tho...the fuck i look like), pillows, pillow cases, blankets, quilts, & decorating just about everything. and the last item would be a telescope. a hella old one at that, like made in the 60's. nigga im bout to get on some a-walk-to-remember type shit! <3

BUT since you took the time to read this, i would also ask that you please take some time to pray for my friend Brenda. shes goin through hard times and she needs all the help she can get. thanks.

BUT (p.2)
"i think i deserve some love on your blog... but thats just what i think hahaha


hope your doing amazingly

F E N G"
& there you go niggs. haha
vote for quest crew on mtv bitches
and i will now enjoy watching some stars ^_^

Five Grand

hola, today was yet again another success. =] i woke up helllllla fucking early, but its ok. cant be mad about waking up next to uhhhh certain someone ;] muahah. neways....my mother and i set out on a mission today and i couldnt be any happier. walking&talking&bitching&shit but what did i finally end up with?! my first car muthafucka!!! freal! are you excited right now? bkus if not, you should be. its a black jetta. yea i know "girly car" (Rance!) but i care not. i will love that thing till i have no more love left haha! thennnn i went to a viewing. i know thats a sad thing and yes i did drop a few tears, but like i said before, its a reminder to appreciate everything i have and it keeps my head on straight. *RestInPeace* next in this day of wonderful madness, i went to groove* dance class, (groovedanceclass.com or myspace.com/groovedanceclass gotta add the plug nawwmsayin?!) and learned a piece from the black man himself, darrell riviera. i liked it, and like everyone else within this community i support them and am VERY inspired by all the amazing things they come up with. THEN if that wasnt enough, right after class i had joint rehearsal with HiFi and FORM vegas where we learned a piece from pat cruz. if you dont know about him, then go to youtube and search away. hes dope, and def fried the fuck outta everyones brain tonight tryna learn his piece and get down his style. fuckinshitss. aha. andd lastly after rehearsal i went to eat robertoes with some of my favorite people followed by us smashing on some rockband at the casa of my bestnigguhh, Rance/Aaron. i would have to say that today was pretty fuckin legit. soo pleased and now i just want a warm shower and my bed to jump into =]

ohh and the title would be referring to the price of the car. not bad braddduhh!

Have Mercy On The Soul

Death is something we will never get used to. when you hear of loved ones passing away, youre never prepared and it seems like theres nothing left for you to do but cry. today i met with some friends and went to the house of a girl we all know whose mother just died. although i was not her closest friend and i didnt know her mom, it still hurts to hold someone in your arms and watch them breakdown over such a huge loss. its a painful experience that hurts not only the family, but an entire community of people. It just reminds me that tomorrow is never promised and neither are the people i care about so i need to appreciate them everyday while theyre still here because you never know. RestInPeace.

on a much much lighter note, regardless of todays event, i did have a good day. i love spending quality time with "special" people haha. theres nothing like straight chillin with someone else, not doing anything important, and just enjoying each others company. talking about anything and everything, not talking at all, making each other laugh, looking at each other, making fun of each other, watching a movie, sharing some cereal, singing, dancing, boxing (with gloves! =D)....the list goes on forever. its like you dont have to force it, theres nothing to work on, and nothing needs to be fixed because it just makes sense. kinda like those massive ass 5000+ piece puzzles. you match the pieces with things that you think might work, you try to force pieces to fit together when you know damn well its not meant to be, and you really just feel frustrated and want to quit. BUT when you do find the right pieces.....the puzzle comes together, and you finally see that you wouldnt have it any other way. its so clear that you kinda wonder why you couldnt see it in the first place. i guess its all just a learning expierience and we have to go through hell first because without all that, we would never be able to fully appreciate what we end up with...

and also...
1. someone came up to me today and asked me if i was in formality. -___- hahahahha if you are a dancer you can see the humor in this. of course i said no.....because if you dont know, thats an all male dance team.....which now that i think about it, if you know me and how i am, i could see why he'd ask that hahahah
2. i heart joey diamond. too bad hes gay. shucks. hahaha

the end!

The Waiting Game

Fein'n for this feeling of falling
blame the clutch or gas, either way stuck stalling
feeble heart couldn't rock the rewind
before realizing she got robbed blind
history left the roots straight smashed and twisted
if you hadn't looked as hard, its promised you would've missed it
the green thumb to stunt the growth of thorns upon this rose
opening doors that take twice as much effort to close
posted with a foundation as firm as a porcelain shell
take it as fake or give faith, there's no way to tell
skipping beats & backward thinking
guard down, doubt shrinking
set aside the feelings, whether into it or opposite, its all the same
we just have to wait for the present to pass as we play the waiting game.

Sick With It

no but freal tho. i really am sick with a runny nose (yuck), and cough. and if i take deep breaths it sounds like im wheezing n shit. im dying! haha jk. but it has been this way since november. -___- and i know it doesnt help that i continue to go out n kick it...or go to the mountains to play in the snow, but fucks it. i do whut i wawnt! id really like to be better in time for my birthday tho, which just so happens to be in less than a month on FEB 4. so yuh know, presents are always welcome. even in the form of a alcoholic beverage =D ohhhh but something you should get me is this.....

tell me that is not sick?! little foxdog?! holler!....speaking of animals, i went to look for my turtle (King Koopa [like mario bros.]) today; he was all in his shell n even tho i poked him he wouldnt come out, and i thought he was dead!!! D= but thank God for hibernation, as i soon found out thats what he was up too. hmmmm, what else can i tell you readers out there......oh yea! i got my grades for last semster and i passed all my classes! fuckin sweet bro! 2 A's, 1 B-, and a C. vewwy pweased. wellll uhhh yea. i dont have anything worthwhile to say. and this has prob been the biggest waste of your life thus far. too bads so sads. well look forward to poems on my shit tho. im going to try and write one at the end of every month. not about anything specific, just whatever comes to mind. mmmhmmm that about ends it for now, have a good night weenies! =]